


Locked In

by Daisy1600



Series: Locked In Series [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Apologies, Bullying, Child Abuse (mentioned), Depression, Domestic Violence (Mentioned), First Love, Hand Job, Happy Ending, High School AU, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, Hurt/Comfort, Light Smut, Locked-in, M/M, Making Up, PTSD, Panic Attack, Romance, Self-Hatred, Whump, Wrestling, alcoholism (mentioned), friends with benifits, past relationship, past thoughts of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 13:01:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12013287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisy1600/pseuds/Daisy1600
Summary: Steve has been getting severely bullied by his ex-best friend and lover Bucky for the better part of a year.Will getting locked in a classroom overnight with him during a storm give Bucky the opportunity to explain his side of the story and make amends?





	1. Chapter 1

The day started off as any typical Monday morning would for Steve. He woke up at the ass crack of dawn for a day full of torture- um, school. Then proceeded to drive himself to the rural building in his beat-up looking powder blue car that'd most definitely seen better days.  
Just not in this particular decade. 

He stepped out of his vehicle that'd had the heater cranked up to the highest setting, and slammed the door shut before opening the passengers side door to grab his backpack and proceed to sling it over one shoulder. Since it was freezing out, and likely enough going to rain later in the day, he'd made sure to wear two layers of thermal long sleeves beneath his black hoodie he wore everyday. He used to wear a bright blue zip-up that was as colorful as the sky itself, but that was before the incident. The falling out that left him in shambles. 

After what'd happened between himself and his best friend.. well, he couldn't bear to wear such a bright and happy color when all he felt inside was darkness and despair. It's such a shame he couldn't afford to get rid of his car that was such a huge reminder of what he and Bucky used to share, and replace it with one as black as the hole the other boy had left in his heart.  
It was just chock full of incredible memories and experiences he wished oh-so badly to be able to bleach from his mind. But at the same time, he wished to never forget the best days of his life. It was a confusing thing to process, and he'd never quite learned how to deal with his loss. Even after the many months he's had to endure the torture for. 

Every time he looked at the thing he felt the hole in his heart expanding. And one day, it'd be nothing but a dull ache. But all he felt as of now was the pain and despair Barnes left in his wake. 

He shook his head to try and rid himself of the depressing thoughts brought on by thinking back on his and his ex-best friend's relationship. He couldn't help the pain that radiated up his leg as he kicked the back tire of his car and screamed out in anger and frustration. 

Still feeling the effects his little outburst had on him, he trundled on over to the stone steps that led into Andromeda High. Making sure to pull the hood of his sweater over his head and keep his eyes trained on the dirty, dingy floor as he made his way into the run-down building. 

He had only made it about ten steps in before he was being tripped over by someone very familiar. Falling right onto his hands and just barely being able to stop his head from making contact with the school's hard, disgusting floor.  
He really should've seen it coming by now.

"Bucky." He hissed through clenched teeth, about to push himself back to his feet when a sudden weight was being pressed against his lower back. Bucky's heavy boot stayed firmly planted on top him as he began speaking to him as if he never cared about him. Never loved him the way he always said he did. 

"Hey, what happened to that cute little nickname you gave me all those years ago, you little fairy?" 

The longer he stayed silent the more weight and pressure the brunet applied to the spot he was working on breaking down. 

It all became too much to take when the brunet took his foot off the spot and decided to sit atop it, grabbing one of his ankles and crossing in over the other and pulling it towards himself. 

"I asked you a question, you little faggot! Why don't you answer me before I make you submit like I always do, huh? It'd save you a whole lotta pain and suffering."

He tried crawling out from under the long haired boy, but found nothing to grip onto. The floor was much too slippery to grasp onto, and all of the lockers were over ten feet away from him so he couldn't grab onto one of the handles. And nobody else was in sight, as Steve had arrived early to try and avoid seeing his ex-friend and bully. How could he have been so naive as to think Barnes wouldn't have shown up just as early as he always has and always will? He's just glad that the boy's posse never showed up at the same time as he did. Not that they ever did anything more than spit insults his way. They were good fighters, but their cowardice would one day be their downfall. 

The boy sitting on him suddenly pulled his legs into a far more painful position, forcing him to either say what he wanted to hear or risk getting an injury so bad he'd have to skip wrestling practice that day. 

"B-buck!" He gasped out, feeling pathetic as the other released his hold on him and slowly got to his feet. 

"That's all I wanted to hear, Stevie." Bucky said, followed by a gentler than usual kick to his left flank that had him curling up to shield himself from whatever blow might follow it up. 

But nothing came. 

He peeked through the fingers that were covering his eyes and cranium, catching a glimpse of the other boy looking down at him with an unreadable expression. 

Then the long haired boy walked away, never once glancing back at the mess he'd left in the hallway. That mess being Steve.

-

It was later in the day and Steve had been minding his own business, just exchanging books in his locker for ones in his black and blue backpack that he no longer needed for the rest of his classes, when the small metal door was suddenly slammed shut, barely giving him enough time to react and get his fingers out of the way. 

He turned to glare at Bucky beneath the large black hood that did well at concealing the hurt in his eyes. "What do _you_ want?"

A look of hurt flashed across the brunet's face before it was replaced with one of disgust. "What do I want? Well that's an easy one, Stevie. I want to kick your ass. That ass you wish I would fuck you in. Boy, you sure are **disgusting**." 

Barnes' glare intensified as he curled a fist in the collar of his hoodie and brought him closer, stopping when their faces were mere inches apart. He tried not to glance down at the perfect, soft lips that he'd once had the pleasure of tasting as he stood stock-still in the hands of his bully. 

"I bet you wish I'd kiss you right now, help you live out your homosexual fantasies. But I won't. I'll hold it against you and continue to make your life a living hell." 

He then slammed him into the lockers, his back making contact with the lock on one before his head made impact with the flat sheet of metal. 

He used to be the best wrestler on the team -Bucky coming into close second- before the boy turned on him.  
Nowadays, he could barely put up a fight against him. It's not that he's a bad wrestler by any means, it's more that he couldn't find it in himself to hurt the one he loves. Yes, even after all the horrible things that've been yelled at him, the horrible things that've been done to him, and the horrible months he's spent alone in his room crying himself to sleep and wishing he were dead, he still loved and cared about the jackass. 

"I bet you enjoy this too, huh? It's just a taste of all the pain you'll be tasting in practice later, 'cause I'm gonna be bending you until you break in half." 

Without meaning to, and completely regretting it immediately after it happened, he shoved Bucky off of him and proceeded to ram him into the row of lockers that stood across from them. He watched all the air escape the other's body as he took a step back and realized what he'd just done. He'd for sure be getting his ass k- 

"Why you little-" Bucky practically growled. He lunged at Steve, sending him into the row of lockers across from them. There was no crowd watching, nobody to alert a teacher of their little tussle, as class had already started, so it looked like he'd just have to fight back for once and try not to hate himself for it later. 

He punched Bucky in the stomach, watching the elder momentarily bend at the waist in pain before he was straightening up and grabbing either of the blond's arms to keep him in place as he got kneed in the stomach. Now he was the one bent as the waist, back against the lockers once again. So he quickly retaliated by kneeing the long haired boy in the stomach and punching him in the face. 

"Woah, woah, _woah!_ Break it up you two!" 

Steve turned to look at his history teacher Mr. Parker, and quickly dropped his hands from his ex-friends body. Bucky didn't look all that inclined to argue with his authoritative teacher, so he backed away with hands raised in surrender. 

"What the hells going on here? You know what? I don't even wanna know.." Mr. Parker sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. A crowd of students from his class had formed behind him without Steve's notice, only throwing him off guard the slightest bit. Bucky's posse made up of Scott, Clint, and Natasha glared at him from where they stood behind their teacher. But he didn't pay any mind to them. It's not like they were actually a real threat to him. "Uh, you both have to attend detention after school, all right? I just need a second to write you two up and send you off to the principles office."

"Yes, Mr. Parker." The two boys mumbled in unison. 

They soon had matching detention slips and were being escorted to Principle Fury's office by a very unhappy Gabe and Jim, two boy's from Mr. Parkers class. 

-

In short, Mr. Fury had sat 'em both down in his not so cushy office chairs and given them the rundown of their punishment. 

Detention everyday after school for two weeks, and he wouldn't contact Bucky's uncle, or Steve's guardian Abraham, who was out of town on business for the rest of the week. 

They both thought that to be a fair enough deal and agreed to Mr. Fury's terms. After all was said and done, they ended up going their separate ways and finishing the last four classes they had that day and having to miss out on wrestling practice. 

Then, as promised, they showed up for detention after school. Which was being hosted by the janitor, Wade Wilson. Who also happened to be a total creepo, if you asked Steve. Or anyone, really. 

He and Bucky were the only two to attend, meaning that it'd just be them, awkward silence, and Wade. 

"My name is Wade Wilson, but you will refer to me as Mr. Wilson or Deadpool. I don't wanna hear any Mr. Willy Wonka crap, all right?" 

Steve and Bucky stayed silent, deciding on merely nodding the slightest bit while the latter tried not to doze off. 

" **All right?** " Wade repeated himself, voice loud and gruff to the point of coming off as threatening. 

"Yes- uh, yes. I understand Mr. Deadpool." Steve got out in a rush. 

"It's just Deadpool, kid. I don't understand why you're getting all formal with me." 

"Deadpool's got a point, you damn fairy." Muttered Bucky. 

"I'm sorry, but did you just call me Deadpool _and_ insult this kid in the same sentence? 'Cause if so, I got a nice honking brick hidden under this here desk with your name on it. Here's what's gonna happen, punk, you're gonna spin the bottle of beer I have hidden in the janitors closet, and no matter who it lands on you're gonna end up kissing the brick. Maybe you'll even end up chipping a tooth while you're at it." 

Bucky looked to be the slightest bit concerned for his safety as he squirmed around in his uncomfortable chair. "I'm gonna do you a favor and ignore that threat, Mr. Wilson. Also, yes, I did insult him." 

Wade stood from his swivel office chair behind the large teachers desk, coming closer and closer to the long haired boy's desk to lean his entire upper body on it. "I see that you've got a really gnarly black eye, whitey." He then turned to face Steve, a slight grin stretched across his pale face. "Nice work by the way, kiddo." 

The janitor turned back to Bucky, a softer, less menacing look in his eye. "You know being different.. being gay is all right, right?" 

Steve watched as the boy in question crinkled his nose at the mention of _that_ word. That word that'd taken part in effectively ruining their friendship and whatever else they may've had on top of that. 

"Ick, why would you even think that? It's.. it's just plain _wrong_."

"You're one of the only kids left in America who thinks that. And I'd know, 'cause I've personally asked each and every one of them." 

Bucky gave the pale man a dead-eyed stare. "Really? You've interviewed every single kid in America on the subject of gay shit?" 

"Yes, I believe that is what I said, jackass." Wade replied, upper body still laying atop the brunet's desk. "You wouldn't happen to be Bucky Barnes, would you? And before you ask why, I'm gonna explain how I know that. Your history teacher, Peter Parker, is my.. friend. Would you happen to know what friends with benefits is?"

"A shitty movie from, like, a decade ago?" 

"It means they have casual sex, you dimwit." Steve supplied helpfully, receiving an eye roll and a slight nudge to the ankle from Bucky. 

"Correct, uh.. what's your name? Petey told me about your guys' whole feud thing and filled me in on the juicy gossip, but I seem to have forgotten one detail. Uh, that detail being your name, kiddo." 

Steve chose to ignore the fact that his history teacher literally _gossips_ about his feud with Bucky to the guy he's sexing, and just answer the pale, insane man's question. "Uh, it's Steve." 

"Yes! Steve.. right. Uh, anyways, let's get back to the topic of discussion. Peter and I, yeah, we have great sex. Lots of it, actually. And that happens to be gay, I guess. Does that.. I don't know, anger you, Barnes? Fill you with unadulterated rage and disgust?" 

Bucky ran a shaky hand through his long and wavy locks of hair, looking to be actually thinking before he spoke for once. "I don't know.. Isn't it like- I don't know, illegal to be holding me here for questioning or something?" 

"Nope, I checked. Anyway, is it disgusting, Bucky? Does the image- uh, thought of me and another man making love make you feel sick to your bloated stomach?" 

Bucky looked hesitant to open his mouth and speak a single word. Even if Wade hadn't raised his voice, he was still very frightening.

"Look, kid, I don't care if I scare the literal crap out of you, I want an honest answer." 

"I..." Bucky paused, eyes glancing Steve's way before they were trained on his desk where Wade's strong hands gripped at. "I think that it's not only gross and unnatural, but also none of my damn business." 

Wade didn't react one bit to the others harsh words. He blinked a couple of times before pushing his hands against the wood of the brunet's desk to get himself back into an upright position. "Wow. Uh, that's not exactly what I wanted to hear from you, but I'm glad that you're telling the truth. Or are you?" 

"Yeah, I _am_. I think being gay is gross. Even more so now that I know what Mr. Parker's getting down to in his free time. God, I will never again be able to raise my hand in class or even look him in the eye." 

"Hey, say what you want about me, but leave Peter out of this, you got that?" Wade said, voice stern as he pointed a finger in Barnes' direction. 

"Ooh, scary." The long haired boy muttered under his breath. 

"What was that? Did you say you'd like to have a make out sesh with Mr. Brick? 'Cause I could always go grab him if you don't apologize to your cute little blond friend here for calling him names." 

"He's **not** my friend."  
It physically hurt Steve when Bucky's bright pools of blue met with his. The glare sent a pang of hurt throughout his entire body, focusing most of its damage on the upper left region of his chest. 

"Well he's sure as hell gonna be by the time I let you two out of here." Wade began heading toward the large teachers desk, unlocking a drawer and grabbing a ratty looking backpack before approaching the door of the classroom. 

"Wait- what the hell are you talking about?" Bucky panicked, getting to his feet. 

"Where are you going?" Steve said, lip quivering in fear of what's to come if he were to be left alone in a room with his ex-friend and bully. 

"Well, _I_ have a hot date with Peter. But don't worry, I'll be back later. Hopefully when you two have made up. And if things _don't_ end up working out, well, just try not to get too much blood or brain matter on anything important or I could get fired." 

"No! Don't leave!" The two seniors shouted in unison, both of them only standing a mere four feet away from the janitor holding the keys to the classroom in his pale, strong hands. 

"Feel free to feed him Mr. Brick if he's mean to you, uh.. Steve." Wade said just before the door to the classroom clicked shut. It had a double sided lock, meaning that it's not gonna fucking open no matter how hard either of them try. 

But they could still try, and try, and _try_. Until Bucky let's go of the door handle and kicks over a metal trash can, biting harshly at his lip to try and keep from screaming in pain, though he couldn't stop a loud "fuck," from escaping through his clenched teeth. 

"Bucky, let's just calm down and, I don't know.. maybe _not_ actively try to break our ankles?" 

The older and taller boy with the long brown hair stopped jumping on his good leg and slowly set his injured one back on the ground. "You shut up! This is all your fault." 

"My fault? Please feel free to clue me in on how on earth this is _my_ fault."

"Uh, maybe because of what happened in the hallway when Mr. Parker busted us? Oh, and let's not forget about you being a giant ass pussy and having scary ol' Wade fucking Wilson talk to me about why homophobia isn't all right and why _nobody_ \- not a _single_ fucking kid in America- hates gays!" Bucky shouted, likely getting his desired effect when he got Steve to back into the corner of the room and crouch down low until his legs dropped from under him and he sat on his ass with his hood pulled up to shroud his face in shadows.

Steve saw the shadow of the other boy get bigger and bigger as he came closer to where he sat alone in the corner of the room. 

A loud sigh escaped the elder's lips as he began to speak, "Look, Steve, I didn't-" 

"No, Bucky. I know you meant every word of it, so don't you go around telling me lies and- and I don't know.. Just- either beat me to a pulp or leave me the fuck alone." 

Another loud sigh came from the older boy and he turned his head the slightest bit to see him sit on the floor behind him, their backs only inches away from each other's. "Think Wade locked our phones in that drawer he took his bag out of?" 

"Maybe we could break the lock off of it with Mr. Brick." Steve mumbled in reply, fighting every urge in his body that told him to lean back and close the distance between himself and his bully. He had to remind himself of why he couldn't tell his guardian Abraham about the bruises he hides beneath the sleeves of his hoodie. The ones Bucky gives him during wrestling practice. Ones that shouldn't be littered across the expanse of his alabaster arms and thighs since they weren't practicing anything quite so daring on those days. It seemed as though Barnes liked to watch him suffer. Liked to humiliate him in front of his posse and everyone else who happened to be in the room. 

"I think the little bastard lied about there being a brick in here. And now I'm stuck here with _you_ , cellphone-less because that asshole locked them away and left us to go visit his fuck buddy."

"Well, I am _so_ sorry you're gonna be stuck here with me for god knows how long." 

"Maybe we should check the windows, see if one's open." Bucky suggested, voice a lot calmer and gentler than it was a moment ago. 

"You can. But I think I'm just gonna sit here and not move until Wade comes back." 

"Nah, I think I'm good just sitting here for a minute.. and not doing anything either. Think I nearly broke my damn ankle on that stupid trash can. Also, metal cans are _so_ outdated. So, like, who the fuck would want one in their classroom?"

"Ms. Hill, apparently." Steve replied drily. He tried to keep his breathing slow and steady as his ex-friend and bully shifted around behind him and leaned his back against his, but it was no use. He never could control himself around the boy. 

"Now, don't try and pull any gay shit on me, all right? I'm just tired and need something to lean against. Doesn't mean we're friends or anything." Mumbled the long haired boy. He then felt him shift around until it seemed he found a comfortable position to rest in. 

Steve felt inclined to mention how he hasn't pulled any 'gay shit' in a _long_ time, and that if anything, _Bucky_ has been the one pulling the gay shit. But he didn't want to risk death in order to prove a point that'd probably get his ass kicked into next week, so he decided to take the safe route and stay silent. 

-

A couple of hours had passed by, the sky was a dark orangey purple color, and there was still no sign of Wade. Steve knew the janitor said he had a date with Mr. Parker and would be back later- but is was now _later_ , and the little asshole was still nowhere to be seen. 

"Pretty sure it's, like, six o'clock and that fucking fag isn't back yet." Bucky groaned, taking his back away from Steve's to lay on the floor and curl up into a ball. 

"What's your problem with gay people anyway? You had zero problem with me being gay before you kissed me and.. did other such intimate things with me. For many months, might I add."

Bucky suddenly got to his feet, taking his leather jacket off and throwing it on the floor as loudly as he could. "I did not k-" the red in the face boy cut himself off, shouting in anger as he tangled his fingers in his hair. "I did **not** kiss you. You practically threw yourself at me the weeks following you coming out to me as a- as a faggot. You latched onto the first guy in sight and decided to suck my face and experiment with me like freaks do in college. 

"Really? Because the way I remember it, you were the one who came onto me. Couldn't control yourself around me for the longest time." 

"I'm just barely holding back from **throttling** you right here, right now, Rogers." 

Now Steve was on his feet, slipping the hood of his sweater off his head and rolling up the long sleeves. Bucky only stared at the prominent bruises littering his exposed skin for a brief period before he was looking elsewhere. "You wanna throw down, Barnes? 'Cause there's a nice desk right here I could pound you into." 

The brunet looked appalled at the implications, taking a couple of steps back and biting harshly at his lip to keep from spitting more insults at the blond. "If that's some sorta come-on, I'm not interested in getting it up the ass, Steve." 

"'Course not, you'd rather be giving. And no, I meant that I'll slam you into that desk, try and make you feel the same amount of pain you've put me through over the course of many painful months spent alone in bed, crying myself to sleep and wishing I were dead." If a tear or two slid down his reddened cheeks, Bucky didn't mention it. 

Though he did look slightly taken aback as he took an unstable step forward and nearly tripped in the process. "I..." he trailed off, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his lip harshly once more. 

"That's right Bucky, you did this to me! You put me through hell, and for what? Popularity? We had something special, something- something I couldn't even _begin_ to explain if I tried. And you ruined it. You turned your back on me, and now you have to face the music." 

"I'm.." The brunet started only to trail off and press the heels of his hands into his eyes. His unsteady legs brought him over to the teacher's desk where he gripped the edges of it, his shoulders beginning to shake and shudder with every erratic breath he sucked in. 

Steve came up behind him, forcing him to look at the vaguely finger shaped bruises lining his forearm. Sure, he got some gnarly bruises during wrestling practice or a match from some of the other guys and girls in their roster, but they weren't typically intentional. "You did this to me. You better look at what you've done to me and- and explain the real reason you turned on me. You went from holding my hand and pressing kisses to my head to putting me in unbreakable holds and calling me names. You push me around and treat me like the scum on the bottom of your shoe, and I'm _sick_ of it. You like to say that being gay is a horrible, horrible thing, when in reality, I see past the walls you've put up. I see it in the way you look at me. You can shove me to the ground, kick me, call me all the names you want, but there's no denying that you still love me." 

Bucky turned to look his way, face red from.. he was crying. There was a steady flow of tears streaming down his cheeks, some falling to the paper work that lay atop Ms. Hill's desk. The small droplets stained the crisp white sheets a darker color, making them seem almost as if they were transparent. But just a few specific parts. Much like how certain aspects of the long haired senior were transparent. 

Steve felt a pang of guilt at being the one to put the devastated look on his ex-best friend's face, but Bucky has caused him a whole lotta devastation himself.  
He tried with all his might to push down his strong emotions and feelings as the other gently caressed his arm. He wasn't sure if the long haired senior was gonna try and pull one on him, maybe break his arm or merely bruise it further, so he stayed alert and aware of his every movement. 

His bully lightly ran a finger across the colorful array of bruises that ranged between being a faint shade of green, to being full-on purple and red. Salty tears fell from the brunet's eyes and onto his exposed arm, only serving to make him feel even more overly emotional and dead inside. If that was even possible. 

He could barely handle seeing this side of Bucky after so many months of having the seemingly cold-hearted asshole to deal with. He could barely handle seeing Bucky, the boy he still loved and cared about so deeply for some inexplicable reason, break down and speak some form gibberish as he bawled his eyes out. 

"I'm- I'm such an idiot.." the elder managed to choke out. "I'm s-so sorry.." he released Steve's arm and fell to his knees, crawling away from him to hide behind their Spanish teacher's desk. 

He could only look at the shuddering form of his ex-best friend hiding behind the wooden desk. He couldn't get himself to actually get down on the floor and comfort him or just.. be there for him when the other boy was never there for him throughout the many months of crippling depression and despair he'd put him through. 

"Why'd you do it, Bucky?" He asked, using the other's full name rather than the shortening of it he used to always call him by. 

The only answer he got was another round of loud sobbing. He curled his hands into fists as he tried to squash down all feelings for the other boy. Barnes had done a lot more than just hurt him. He _broke_ him. A glance to the window paneled wall showed that it was much darker than it was a few minutes ago. It was dark and eerie out there, which was never a good thing. Especially not if you're locked inside a classroom after school hours with your bully, hoping and praying that the insane janitor who left to go fuck his boyfriend will come back and set you free from your confines. 

He got down on his knees in front of the brunet, reaching out a hand to push away the long hair that was plastered to his face with tears. "Why did you hurt me?" 

Bucky scooted away from his him, trying to put some distance between the two of them. Which proved to be pointless as Steve only ended up scooting closer to him, keeping his fingers threaded through his long locks of hair.  
He thought back on how the older boy used to sleep over at his place and in the morning his sheets would smell like his Old Spice shampoo. 

Bucky didn't resist or push him away. No, he was too busy crumbling to pieces with his head facing the floor. He was probably too revolted to do anything but look away. And that hurt more than any old bruise the elder had ever given him. 

"Come on, Bucky. Be a man. Look me in the eyes and tell me why. Why you broke me. Why you left me to cry myself to sleep at night at the memory of my- my best friend turning his back on me- on _us_. Tell me, dammit!" Steve said, raising his voice at the end.

That got Bucky to finally look up into his angry, despondent eyes. The ones that used to be filled with happiness and a sparkle whenever he looked his way. "I did it because I had no other choice." The elder whispered, face contorting into an angry, sorrowful expression. 

"Explain." 

"I.. You know what? No, I can't just blame everything on my alcoholic, homophobic, piece of shit uncle. I-I need to own up to my mis- To the biggest regret of my entire life." 

Steve stayed silent, fingers still lightly combing through the older boy's soft hair. And once Bucky's tears and shaky breathing had died down for the most part, he was ready to continue speaking. 

"I shouldn't say that I didn't have a choice, because you always have one. Especially in situations such as this one.. but, uh.. yeah. When I found out that you were.. gay, it kinda dredged up some repressed feelings I've been trying to avoid dealing with since we first met in middle school. But, uh, anyways, you told me.. obviously, and everything just kinda kept replaying over and over in my head like- like a broken fucking record for, like, a week. And then comes the part when I visited your house and.. yeah. Abraham was out, it was a Friday night, and I kinda kissed you.. which, if I remember correctly, happened quite a few times that night as well as other such things I had been holding off from doing to you for quite a while.. 

"Things were- things were really great for the weeks.. okay, months, following our little.. exploration. We.. we were closer than ever. Heh, I even got to sneak in your house at night when Abraham was asleep and hold you tight till morning rolled around. Things were great, Steve. But then I up and ruined everything. My uncle found out about me sneaking out at night, found out about me staying out late after school for things other than just wrestling, and he confronted me. I lied about everything and told him I was just hanging out with friends, but he didn't believe me. He threatened to go through my phone and find out who I was seeing and where I was going with them late at night, so I had to come up with a new lie and told him I was seeing a girl. He saw straight through my lies and figured out I was _not_ seeing a girl because I didn't smell like perfume. He took a long hard whiff of me and soon came to the conclusion that I was, in fact, seeing a guy." 

Steve's hand fell from the other's hair to rest atop his lap. It was quite touchy-feely for someone to be doing to their bully who hadn't yet finished explaining themselves. But he couldn't help feeling like.. maybe, just _maybe_ , he was telling the truth. He didn't have any reason to be lying to him, unless, of course, he just wanted to fuck with his emotions some more. But it for some odd reason didn't feel that way. "Keep.. keep going." He whispered breathlessly. 

Bucky's glanced down at the hand resting atop his lap, trying hard to focus on telling his side of the story and not get completely sidetracked. 

"My uncle threatened to take my phone and find out who it is I was 'screwing around with', but I refused to give him my passcode. Crazy as it sounds, I didn't want you getting hurt. So I didn't tell him, and ended up getting in a.. a shit load of trouble for it. I was banned from using my phone for a month, and I was also grounded for that entire month. And to.. it really hurts me to say this.. protect you, I had to get you out of my life. 'Cause I know how much he hates gays, and I knew he'd come after you if I didn't do.. something along the lines of what I did. We made a deal, actually. Me and my uncle. And I don't- I haven't regretted anything more in my entire life. 

"You- you know what, uh, happens next in this story.. I fell into the act of being a complete and utter douche bag to you, began bullying you and pushing you right outta my life just like my uncle would've wanted. But also to keep you safe, which sounds like just about the steamiest pile of shit ever, 'cause I was putting you in painful holds and using moves on you that would bruise you up pretty bad all for appearances sake. And.. to make you believe I hated your guts. I.. I had to do it to let everyone see that we weren't friends just in case Zemo found out about us being together from someone at school. I dug myself a hole so deep I almost began thinking that maybe this was the real me. Maybe I really was a homophobic asshole who wanted nothing more than to put his... his best friend in a world of pain and misery. And I am so, _so_ sorry. And- and I don't expect any pity or sympathy, 'cause I certainly don't deserve any.. especially not from you after all that I've put you through. But I just want you to know that I.. I never once stopped thinking about you.. about what we had. Every time that I pushed you down in the hallway and put you into a submission hold, every time I beat the crap out of you, every time I looked into your big blue, expressive eyes, I wanted nothing more than to drop the act and pull you into my arms. God, I am such a selfish idiot. I should've thought about what you would've wanted. What you would've thought. How you felt. Should've taken into account how.. how miserable and empty everything would leave you feeling. But I didn't, and that in turn left us both feeling like.. like we had nothing left to live for. Nobody to care for. Nobody to hold in the hardest of times.. My uncle Zemo started drinking more heavily, and I guess you can, uh, kinda guess who his late night rants and fits of rage were directed at. _are_ directed at."

Steve scooted closer to the boy who'd poured his heart out to him, now resting both of his hands in his lap. "Is.. is that how you got that little cut on your cheek a few months back?" He said, disregarding everything the other boy had said to focus on what was important to him at the moment. His safety and wellbeing. He lifted a delicate finger to his ex-friend's cheek and lightly traced the faded red mark that was about an inch and a half long. 

Bucky caught his hand in his, seizing its movements and holding it tight. "Don't." He whispered, eyes closed tightly as a couple of tears slid down his red, tear stained cheeks. 

"I'm not forgiving you right now.. I'm not even thinking about any of what you just said. I just.. are you okay, Buck-y.. Do I need to kick Zemo's ass? Call child services on him? Hug you?" 

"I'd sure appreciate all of the above, but I know I don't deserve anything from you." The brunet said, lowering the other's hand from his face. But he didn't drop it completely, just kept it loosely held in his. 

"I know I sure as hell needed a hug when I was.. and still am.. hurting. Got one from Abraham once in a while, but I wouldn't usually initiate. No matter how many times he asked me what was wrong, why I looked so sad, I never told him what'd happened and what was _still_ happening. All he knew was that I had lost my best friend." The blond said before leaning forward the slightest bit to gather the older boy in a loose hug that got tighter and more firm as time passed them by. Bucky's head was now pressed into his shoulder, one hand gripping tightly at the thick and warm fabric of his hoodie, and the other playing with the hair that grew at the nape of his neck. Just like he always used to when they embraced. 

For a long moment that seemed to last forever, Steve forgot everything that'd happened over the course of the last few months and allowed himself fall into routine and hold the other boy tightly, inhaling the intoxicating scent of his shampoo, and to really feel the warmth radiating off of his body. The same body he knew so well. Knew his way around the smooth planes of his defined chest as well as other such muscled, sexy features on his six foot tall frame. He felt the warm puffs of air being breathed onto his neck and closed his eyes, leaning his head against the side of Bucky's and tangling his fingers in his long locks of hair that he missed oh-so much. Missed it just like he missed his warm, gentle touch. He missed him sneaking into his house at night when Abraham was asleep, and holding him until the rain outside stopped, if it was winter, or held him tight in the spring and summer to make him forget about the nightmares that plagued him and help him sleep like a hot cup of camomile tea couldn't. 

Not only did he feel the elder's labored breathing on his neck, but he also felt tears trickling down his neck only to be absorbed by the fabric of his hoodie. "I'm s-so sorry, Steve. I'm such a selfish asshole and- and I don't deserve any of what you're giving me. You should be yelling at me. You should.. you should hate me." 

Steve's fingers flexed in the boy's long hair, gripping at his scalp the slightest bit. Bucky had done all of what he's admitted to him and more, and yet he still couldn't completely hate him. He hated what'd been done to him and how he'd been treated for so many painful months, but he didn't hate him. Not the real him, anyway. 

"It may not be what you deserve.. but it's what you need right now. Hell, it's what _I_ need right now." 

"I feel guilty accepting a hug from you when I was just.. when I'd been beating on you and calling you names earlier." 

"Don't talk, Buck. Just- let me have this." 

Bucky nodded slightly, the movement making his light stubble brush up against the smooth shaven skin of his own face. It brought back memories of.. it brought back memories, is all. 

They stayed in the warm embrace for a lot longer then what was considered to be platonic. But that was the point. Steve missed the level of intimacy they used to share. How they used to be able to just.. _be_ with one another. There weren't any pretenses between the two of them back in the day. It was just _them._ And this was as close to that as he could get without forgiving all the awful things he's done to him and.. kissing him. There's no way in hell the brunet was getting off the hook that easy, if he had any say in it. 

He decided to release Barnes when the steady flow of tears hitting his neck dwindled down into only being a couple of drops every once in a while. He glanced down at his warm and inviting lips, questioning for a moment whether or not it'd be so bad to just.. His eyes then suddenly darted away and he scooted his butt across the floor to get a couple of feet away from the other senior. The pain and sorrow he saw in the brunet's cerulean eyes only stung for a little while.

Bucky still sat right where he'd left him, gaze now trained on the slightly dirty linoleum floor. After a tense minute he spent staring at him, the elder got to his feet and grabbed his leather jacket off the floor where he'd thrown it in the midst of his rage. Steve tried not to look at him, choosing to instead focusing on how dark and gloomy it looked outside. 

"Think it's gonna rain?" He whispered into the quiet of the room, trying not to let his voice waver or crack. He didn't want Bucky to worry about him. If that story he'd told earlier was true.. then he must still care for him, and probably still remembers why it is he needed to be held so tightly during cold winter nights. 

"If it does, I'll be right by your side, Steve. I'm not gonna leave you. Again.." 

He nodded slightly, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands and wringing them together. It's only the beginning of the downward spiral he's bound to have if it begins raining cats and dogs.

As time passed by his breathing got heavier and his heart began thrumming so loudly in his chest he thought it was gonna fly right out and run off. He didn't want to be reminded of how dark and.. likely it was to rain out in the doom and gloom of the night sky, but he also couldn't help the constant glances he sent toward the window paneled wall. 

And just when he thought he was about to start crying, he felt Bucky's familiar presence close by, the boy slowly lowering himself to the ground beside him. Neither made a move to touch the other, but the elder did decide to speak to him. "I just realized you called me Buck earlier. When we were.. y'know.." 

"Embracing?" 

"Yeah, that." His.. Bucky whispered in reply, placing a hand on his thigh and slowly untangling the blond boy's hands to slot his fingers through his and rest their joined hands atop his own lap. "Why did you? Uh, call me Buck, that is." 

"It just kinda slipped out, I guess."

They stayed silent for a long while, Steve shaking more and more as the quiet pitter-patter of rain on the large windows and roof of the school got louder and louder with every passing second. He was breathing heavily, tears now freely flowing from his eyes and falling down to his lap where they'd then soak into the material of his black jeans. 

"Hey, look at me, Steve. I'm still here with you. I'm not going anywhere." The boy whispered frantically into his ear. Sometime between the rain beginning to pour and his crying becoming more intense, he'd shifted the position in which he was holding him in. The long haired senior was sitting behind him, long legs on either side of him with his arms around his middle to keep him pressed flush against his chest.

Then then the lights suddenly cut out and it was pitch black, almost making it seem as though they were out there in the pouring rain. And Steve _lost it_.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mom, Dad! Watch out!" The blond screamed, experiencing flashbacks of his parents' tragic demise. How their car swerved in the pouring rain on a long and winding highway, him screaming for them to watch out for the car coming right at them. It was a drunk driver that'd sent their car flying off the side of the road, falling down to the craggy rocks and vegetation that lay below. They died on impact, but he survived with minor injuries and got rescued by a fireman that went by the name of Phil. After that, he'd been put into the system and taken in by an old gruff, yet still kind, man named Abraham Erskine.

That was eleven years ago. 

"It's just a flashback, Steve. You're gonna be okay. You're gonna be all right, baby." Bucky whispered soothingly into the other's ear, still holding him tight as he thrashed around, screaming and crying out for his parents to watch out for the oncoming vehicle. 

"NO!" The blond suddenly screamed, nearly escaping the tight hold the senior had on him. "NO!" He cried out once more before going still in the arms that encased him and giving Bucky just enough time to shed his jacket one shaky arm at a time and drape it over his quaking shoulders before holding him close to his chest once again. 

"Calm down, baby. I'm here.. I'm here, Steve. You've still got me. Everything's gonna be all right. I promise." The younger melted in his embrace, leaning back into his warm, familiar touch and quietly crying as his hands found their way around where the elders rested on his midsection. 

-

The smell of Bucky's leather jacket was oh-so familiar and brought back memories of more pleasant times they've shared as well as times like this, when he had really bad flashbacks of.. of his parents' death, and the elder held him close, slowly soothing him back to consciousness. 

"Buck?" He whispered so quietly the other boy wouldn't have heard him had his chin not been resting atop his shoulder.

"Yeah?" 

"Are you real or am I just imagining this like I have every night for the past eight months?" 

"I honestly don't know if _you_ are real, Steve. I- I've also dreamed of this- uh, not of you having a panic attack, but just holding you like this. Being close and inti- uh, yeah.." Bucky rambled. "Uh.. are you al-" 

"No, I'm not all right, Buck. I feel drained and.. and like if you let go of me, I'm gonna break all over again." 

Bucky's head that was hooked over his shoulder suddenly turned the slightest bit so that they were making eye contact in the dim room illuminated only by the moon and the lightning that flashed in the crying sky, their chins just barely brushing together. "Hey, look at me," he said, catching the younger's attention. "I'm not leaving you. Not again.." 

If one of them were to move a single centimeter, they'd be kissing. But now was not the time for such indulgences, so Steve turned his head the other way but left his hands on top of Bucky's that were still wrapped around him. "We should probably talk." 

"'Bout what?" 

"About everything that just happened and.. and our feelings towards each other. If you still have any for me, that is. It's- I get it if you d-" 

"Wow, I'm such a horrible person that I made you think for a second -or more like for the better part of a year- that I _ever_ stopped loving you. That I ever stopped thinking about you every second I'm awake. Even in my dreams I see you. Laying on a practice mat with me putting you in a difficult hold I know for a _fact_ you can break out of. So to answer your vague question, yes I do still love and care about you. Even if I've done a really shitty job at.. at, uh, showing it. I honestly wouldn't be surprised or offended if you don't believe a word I've said tonight. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I want you to know how truly and **deeply** sorry I am and will be for the rest of my life, Stevie." 

There was a stilted pattern of breathing coming from the blond, and suddenly, and totally unexpectedly, he turned in Bucky's arms, placing his hands on either side of his face and bringing him into a deep, meaningful kiss that conveyed everything he needed to say but couldn't find the words to, before he even had a chance to react. 

The kiss ended before the brunet even knew it. His eyes were half-lidded, mouth open and chasing after those soft, familiar lips he's craved oh-so badly for the longest time. Bucky went so long without his loving touch and.. love that he almost forgot how it felt to be wanted and _needed_ by another human. 

"W-w-what was that for?" He asked, placing a hand over one of Steve's that rested on the side of his cheek and leaning slightly closer to his face that was darkened by shadows. 

"I still love you too, Buck. You're not forgiven.. yet, but I think the only way for us to heal is together. I can't.. I can't **function** without you in my life. And if that doesn't sound like some sorta sickening teen romance novel I'd avoid reading at all costs, then I honestly don't know what does." 

"So.. we're not gonna talk about what you wanted to talk about earlier?.." he asked, lightly stroking the back of blond's hand with the pad of his thumb. 

"We can talk _and_ not talk.. if you like." 

"I like the sound of that." The long haired boy whispered before closing the distance separating them and lightly pushing his shoulders down to the floor of the classroom. Their lips that were slightly chapped from the cold bite of winter moved together in a passionate, yet still sweet, display of affection that allowed how very sorry the elder was for his actions as well as how very much he loved and cared for the blond to bleed into the intimate embrace shared between lovers. It had started out slow and steady, Bucky trying to gauge the younger's reaction to the pace at which things were moving in. He got an answering low groan from the boy that lay below him, the fingers tangled in the fabric of his shirt and digging into the tense muscles of his back telling him to get a move on with things and slide his warm, wet tongue into his mouth. 

Their eager hands and desperate mouthes continued to explore and memorize every inch of the other's body, causing them both to flash back to the nights when they used to get down to just that. When they used to kiss and caress every inch of skin they could get at in the dark of the younger's bedroom without waking his guardian or alerting him of Barnes' presence. 

The memories only served to bring their overheated bodies together in a more.. intimate, more sexual manner. And Bucky couldn't keep his hands above the fabric of the other boy's clothing much longer. But lucky for him, neither could Steve. It was almost as if they were linked telepathically, instinctively knowing when and just how to caress and touch a body part to make the other shake and shiver, begging for more and more until the their shirts and the zippers of their jeans came down along with the pants and underwear themselves and they were just rutting up against each other, Bucky's hand managing to get between them and rub their hard lengths together while listening to the sounds of the other's heavy breathing, whispered words falling from his swollen lips between soft kisses and rough flicks of the wrist.

"I'm so sorry, Steve." Bucky spoke between expert strokes of the hand bringing Steve closer and closer to seeing the light. "So fuckin' sorry." The apology became somewhat of a mantra as they continued rubbing up against the other and working each other toward the same end goal. The sincere apologies just kept tumbling from his parted lips until the blond shushed him and rolled them over so he was the one straddling him and taking control of the situation. The younger of the two hid his face in the crook of his neck, the grunts falling from his lips becoming more and more breathy as he came closer to coming completely undone. 

Bucky could've sworn he'd seen God as he threw his head back in pleasure, his cranium bumping against the hard linoleum for a second. He knew it wasn't God, but rather Steve who cried out in pleasure. The younger's body glistened with sweat as he breathed heavily, slowly coming down from his high, then even more slowly came out of his post-orgasm haze before lifting his chest off of Bucky's. And the elder couldn't do anything other than _look_ at the deity that lay partially atop him. Men weren't typically described as being beautiful, but that's exactly how he would describe the young blond man in that very moment. 

"You're beautiful." He breathed out without even realizing it. Steve smiled shyly, Bucky just barely able to make it out in the pale moonlight streaming in through the windows. 

"Maybe it's time we.. put on some clothes and talk about what it is we were going to talk about earlier." Steve mumbled shyly, moving to get off the elder. 

"Yeah, guess it is. But, uh.. I meant what I said. You really are beautiful." 

"Must be my post-orgasm glow talking." The naked young man said as he stood from the floor and went around to the back of Ms. Hill's desk to presumably look for something to clean themselves off with. He soon came back to Bucky's side, gently wiping him clean with what looked to be five or six wadded up tissues.

"Partially." The brunet smiled to himself, grabbing his shirt off the floor and slipping it over his head. 

"What're you smiling about?" Steve questioned, moving to wipe a fair amount of a familiar sticky white substance off of his admittedly impressive abs with some tissues, when Bucky suddenly placed a gentle hand over his to stop him in his tracks. 

"Lemme." The elder whispered before he began wiping him clean. He was sure to keep his movements soft and slow, just like how he used to when cleaning him up after the many times that they've copulated in the past. He wished to always be able to treat Steve like the prince he is. Which is really damn hypocritical if you take into account all the shit he's put him through. 

"Thanks," whispered the stark naked young man. "Uh, you mind passing me my clothes?" 

"Right- that's, uh, that's step number two. Forgot 'bout that." After only mildly embarrassing himself in front of the blond, Bucky passed over the pile of clothes that lay strewn across the floor nearby where he was still sitting at. 

He most definitely did _not_ watch as the blond stood facing the window paneled wall, pale moonlight outlining his entire body and illuminating him like a God. His ass muscles were just so tight and plump, and the long line running down the length of his back was just as alluring and beautiful as he remembered. 

He was beautiful. 

-

Wade came into work at six in the morning, unlocking the doors to the school with his set of keys and walking down the long hallway to go tidy up the classrooms. One in particular caught his attention as he passed it by. He seemed to remember something about Ms. Hill's classroom from the night previous. Which is strange, considering he'd left the school to visit Peter for a night of fun right after hosting detention. 

Oh, wait.. that's right. He must've forgotten something in there. Better go look and see what it is. 

He dug his massive wad of keys out of the front pocket of his janitor's uniform, flipping through them until he found the one he was searching for. He unlocked the door, coming face-to-face with the two students who'd served detention with him the previous day. They were lying on the hard floor together, Barnes being the big spoon while Steve had his hands resting atop the ones that were wrapped tightly around his mid-section. But this all begged the question: Why were they still h- oh, that's right.. he'd locked them in the school overnight to force them to make up and hopefully get them back together since he and Peter were absolutely **sick** of the constant bullying, and sexual tension the latter always felt radiating off of the two boys while he was teaching history. And boy, would Petey always go on and _on_ gossiping about the history the two teens had with one another. Plus, Barnes'd up and called the kid a few mean words he knew he didn't really mean. So he declared him worthy of being locked away to serve penance. And it seemed as though the little -big- punk made up with the kid. 

After coming out of his daydream, Wade noticed the two boys had sat up together, arms crossed and glares directed at him. 

"Glad to, uh.. see you two made up." Is all he could get out before the two boys suddenly rose to their feet, Bucky's arm slung around the blond's shoulders as they walked right past him and out of Ms. Hill's classroom. 

That was weird. He expected to get a real ass whooping from them after he'd literally _locked_ them in the school overnight on accident. Time had somehow just.. completely gotten away from him. Especially with the incredible talents of Mr. Parker's hips, hands, and that mouth of his that ran like a waterfall as he talked dirty to him. And by 'talked dirty', I mean that the history buff spewed references into his ears about war and other such boring subjects as they went peacefully into the night. Though they didn't exactly get much sleep, having stayed up basically all night having seconds, thirds, and even fifths, if memory serves him right. Which it usually didn't.. 

-

"Fuck you, Mr. Deadpool." Bucky muttered under his breath as he turned the corner to lead his.. -well, he didn't know what to call Steve- friend(?) out of the school. After exchanging sloppy handjob's with the younger as well as rubbing off against each other and sharing loving kisses with him, he kinda just assumed things were good between them and that they were at least being friendly again. Then they had a little -okay, maybe it lasted three hours- talk about what's been going on in their lives and how they can fix things and build everything back up from the ground. 

Things were mostly good between them now. But there was still this.. tension between them that'd probably last their whole lives. Or at least however much longer their romance lasts for. He'd wished they could be together forever, but he'd be fooling himself to think that a boy as perfectly imperfect as Steve would ever want to stay with him after everything he's done to him. Even if the younger did eventually accept his apology.. he didn't think he would ever forgive himself for being so stupid and doing what he'd done. 

"You okay, Buck?" Steve's concerned voice brought him right out of his depressing thoughts. 

"Yeah.. yeah, I'm fine. Need me to drive you home?" He sincerely hoped that the younger would say yes. Maybe even let him stay with him.. He really didn't want to go back home to where his alcoholic uncle was likely just now waking up from being passed out drunk on the couch, and realizing that his 'newly homo' nephew had never come home the previous night. He knew full well what kind of punishment Zemo would give him for that huge of a mistake.. 

"Yeah, and maybe you could stay over. I just.. I really don't want to be alone right now, and.. and I don't like the thought of you going back home to your uncle."

"Just know that even if I didn't have a shitty uncle waiting for me at home, I'd still stay over with you.. Keep you safe from yourself, and the world outside." 

"Thanks.." Steve mumbled in response, leaning his head against the long haired boy's shoulder and holding on tight to the hand that dangled beside it. 

Bucky answered with a lingering kiss to the top of the younger's head. He held him close to his side as they made it out the front doors of the school, quickly locating Steve's adorable, brightly colored car that was chock full of memories and things the two of them have done together over the years. It hurt to look at it, yet at the same time managed to bring a smile to his face. 

He sincerely missed being in close quarters with his best friend and lover so badly. It's like there was a piece missing from his heart, and now it's slowly coming back together. He knows it's bound to completely shatter somewhere down the road, but at least he'd have the honor of getting the organ ripped out of his chest by the boy- No, _man_ he loved. 

"Did I ever tell you how much I love your old little beat-up car.. and you?"   
That got Steve to turn his head to face him, his nose slightly brushing up against his jaw. 

"Really? 'Cause I've wanted to strip it's color and trash it for the longest time. Couldn't stand looking at such a bright and happy color when all I felt inside was darkness." 

That got him feeling even more horrible about everything he's put him through. He led the man he loves down a dark road of.. well, he didn't exactly want to know the full extent of the damage he's caused him. Even if the younger had clued him in on some of what has been happening in his life during their lengthy chat. Told him about what horrors keep him awake at night.. 

He had no idea what to say in response to that, so he kept his trap shut and released his.. released Steve to unlock and open the door for him. And after taking a moment to thread his fingers through his own hair and pull harshly at it, reprimanding himself for being so stupid, so insensitive, he went around to the drivers side door and unlocked it before getting in and buckling up. Glancing toward the younger man, he realized that he wasn't wearing a seatbelt. And considering his history with cars.. he knew he'd want to be strapped in tight. "Lemme' just.. uh, help you out there." He mumbled, reaching across the other's seat to grab the seatbelt and fasten it for him. 

The key was soon slid into the ignition, Bucky turning it until the engine sputtered for a couple of seconds before finally roaring to life. Even though the lot was empty, save for his own vehicle and what he assumes is Wade's car parked crookedly in a handicap space, he was careful to not jostle them around too much as he pulled out of the parking spot and headed toward the exit. He noticed how slick the road was after how hard it'd rained last night, and decided on taking the long way home. The backroad he pulled onto had lots of trees, meaning it was less likely for the craggy ground to be slick with water. 

He was going nice and slow, yet he could still just _feel_ the nervousness radiating off the body sitting not two feet from him. "You okay, ba- Steve?" He asked, chancing a glance his way only to see how much he was shivering even with the heater on full blast. "Are you cold? 'Cause I could always just give you my j-" 

"I'm f-fine, Buck. I can wait until we get to my house." The way his teeth were chattering betrayed his words, and so Bucky pulled over onto the side of the deserted road, shedding his jacket and placing it atop Steve's shaky shoulders. 

"Don't you start lying to me, Steve. I know how cold you can get in the wintertime." 

The young man in the passengers seat stayed silent, choosing to slip his arms through the slightly oversized leather jacket and sigh in content as his eyes slid closed for a moment. Bucky still remembers how much the blond used to love stealing his jacket. How he'd take it home with him sometimes to help him sleep, then bring it back the next day very hesitant to give it back. 

"What?" Steve mumbled, squirming around in his seat under the stare the brunet had him pinned under. And after he was finished with that, he sank down in his seat to hide in the warm fabric that embraced him in a Bucky-like hug. 

"Sorry- I just.. I was just thinking about how you used to always steal my jacket, wear it to sleep, and bring it back the next day. It's so cute how I used to have to basically pry it from your hands to get it back." 

"Yeah, well have fun trying to get it back from me this time. I'm keeping it for at least a week." 

"Fair enough, I suppose." He sighed, secretly smiling to himself as he pulled back onto the road, headed straight for the younger man's house. "It suits you. Makes you look really ad-" he closed his mouth, trying to keep all the things he's not allowed to say out loud from tumbling past his lips. Well, it's more like _he_ doesn't think he should be allowed to say all the things he's been wanting to say and has been holding back on admitting for the better part of a year. 

"Adorable?" The blond questioned, his beautiful, vulnerable eyes meeting his and almost making him jerk the wheel to the right. 

"Y-yeah.. Am- am I allowed to say stuff like that to you again?"

"We kinda had sex on the floor of Ms. Hill's classroom.. I think you're allowed to pay me a few compliments." Looks like Steve still had it in him to make the senior blush and gnaw at his lip while trying not to crash the car into a tree. Not that he's ever almost crashed them into something before.. He was usually fairly considerate of his.. Of Steve's past and would never dare to drive recklessly in his presence. 

"Well, when you say it like that.." 

"It makes you blush." His passenger finished for him. 

"I- _we_ haven't been that intimate in the longest time.. and for good reason. So, uh, yeah. It's kinda special to me. Don't really wanna chance ruining it." 

"Heh, good to know it's not one-sided then.."   
He tried not to think about how Steve must've felt it was one-sided -or even just plain thought that he hated him- for months. He slowed the vehicle down to a crawl and made a grab for the young man's hand, threading his fingers through his and bringing their joined hands to his lips. 

"It's definitely not one-sided, Steve. I still.. crave your touch and.. and your love every waking second of the day. I still can't get you and your big blue eyes and your incredible smile out of my head. I still cry at night 'cause I'm such a terrible person for what I've done to you.. How I've treated you is unforgivable, and yet here you are, giving me the time of day and allowing me to touch and get close to you. And if _that_ isn't enough to tell someone what an incredible person you are.. well then I don't know what is, honestly." 

"Then I guess that means you know how I've been feeling for the last eight months."   
The hand that was threaded through his slipped out from his grasp and retracted back into the oversized sleeves of his leather jacket he'd let him borrow. His hand felt cold and empty without the delicate touch of his- of Steve to keep him sane. 

"Cold and dead? Yeah, I feel it. I've had nobody to comfort me during our.. uh, time apart. But it's not like I deserved any. So, yeah." He kept his hands on the wheel, speeding up the slightest bit since he'd barely been hitting ten MPH, and making sure to continue paying close attention to his surroundings. The most distracting thing being the one thing he wasn't allowed to look at while driving. Or rather, _who_. 

"Listen, Buck.. I really do want to make things work between us, but it's only gonna happen if we learn to talk about things and not just sweep everything under the rug and pretend it never happened. You hurt me physically and emotionally. And... those types of things don't just vanish from your mind after having sex or.. or one conversation about half of what's on our minds. I don't want to make you feel more guilty by bringing it up all the time, 'cause that's not my intention at all, but at the same time, it's.. I don't know what I'm trying to say, honestly. I just.. I love you and I don't want to lose you. The real you. Sorry if that makes no sense, but, uh.. yeah." 

After taking a moment to process and absorb everything the other man had told him, he nodded. "I think I get what you're trying to say, Steve. And I also don't want things to get swept under the rug and be forgotten about. I want to take responsibility for my actions. Even if it takes me my whole life to win back your trust, it'll be worth it." 

"Let's just take it one day at a time, babe." Steve said, reaching over to place a hand atop the driving man's knee and give it the softest of squeezes just for old times' sake. 

It took a whole five minutes before Bucky could utter a coherent sentence, too focused on the road ahead of him and the words that had fallen from the blond's mouth. He called him _babe_. He hasn't done that since- right.. That ones also his fault. Much like everything else he's put the other man through in the last year. 

-

They arrived at Steve's house not fifteen minutes later, Bucky getting out of the car and going around to the passengers side to hold the door open for him. It'd already been wordlessly settled that they'd be skipping school for the day to just _sleep_. Something they hadn't had much time for yesterday, what with their bickering, the storm, the sex they had together, and the very long talk they'd had afterwards about everything that needed to be said. Well, maybe not _everything_ , but they did have a lengthy chat after cleaning themselves off with some tissues that were in a floral box lying atop Ms. Hill's desk. 

"Something wrong?"  
The blond's voice brought him out of his thoughts, and he had to physically shake his head to fully come back into present time. Steve was holding his hand, lightly stroking the back of it with the pad of his thumb. 

"No- uh, everything's fine. I'm just really tired and in desperate need of sleep." 

"Then we should hurry inside." 

"Right." He replied, checking to make sure the younger man's fingers weren't in the way of the car door before shutting it. He then led him to the front door of his house, unlocking it with one of the many keys on the lanyard Steve had given him at school earlier. 

Fifteen minutes later they'd be seen lying in the younger man's bed, showered and redressed in comfy clothes suitable for the cold weather and cuddling beneath the warm sheets on the bed. Steve had his head pressed against his warm chest, hands resting against it as well. And Bucky had his arms wound around his still shivering body, lips continuously pressing soft kisses to the top of his blond head of hair while he ran his hands up and down his back to try and warm him up. 

"You still cold, baby? I could always go and grab another blanket out of the closet if you need one." 

"Buck, you're way warmer and more comforting than any amount of blankets I could pile on top of my body. So don't you dare leave me." 

The brunet then felt a leg slot between both of his own, likely trying to absorb more of the warmth that radiated off of his six foot tall frame. 

"I won't." He wanted to add so much more to his sentence, but knew that now wasn't the time for such rambles. It was time to get some sleep in the dark of the younger's bedroom that he'd made sure to darken even more by closing all the blinds. 

"Promise?"

Bucky opened his eyes, glancing down to see the other man looking right up at him. Head leant back and neck elongated enough for it to be easy for him to plant a kiss on those slightly chapped, yet still soft and luscious, lips of his if he so desired. 

"With all my heart." He whispered, leaning in closer before coming to the sudden realization of what the blond really wanted to hear from him. "Yes. I promise." he smiled, lips just barely a centimeter away from Steve's and getting closer by the second. 

"I bet there's still one question rattling around in that handsome little head of yours." 

Their lips brushed together after every word they spoke, doing wonders for driving him absolutely _insane_ with the need to kiss him. But he managed to hold off on his desires and ask the one query that'd been plaguing him for the last few hours since they first kissed and.. made love at school. It didn't matter to either of them that there wasn't any real penetration that took place during the act, because it still felt just as meaningful and sensual to them without having to go all the way to achieve the level of closeness and intimacy they shared. 

"Am I your boyfriend again.. or, uh, officially for the first time? Its okay if you don't want to put a label on us yet. I'd completely understand why you wouldn't want to." 

Steve closed the distance between their lips, pressing his warm and soft ones to his for a fleeting moment that seemed to last forever. "That depends.." 

"On what?" 

"Do you plan on letting me help with getting you out of your current living situation, and being introduced to Abraham for the first time as more than just my friend?" 

"Of course. I'll do anything to make you happy." 

"It's not just for my benefit, Buck. I.. I really do want to see you happy and away from your uncle." 

"That just makes it all the better, baby." Bucky said, smiling as he leaned in closer once again. Lips only a hair's breadth away from the man who's body temperature was steadily rising. Could just be the redness that rose to his cheeks that's causing him to warm up, but either way, it's a good thing. 

"That settles it, then." The younger whispered into the dark room. "Will you be my boyfriend and promise to never again make stupid decisions that effect both of our lives without running it past me first?" 

"Mmm, sounds difficult.. But you're totally worth it, babe. So yes, I will be your boyfriend." 

"See, Buck, we already made a good decision together." Giggled the younger man. 

"Guess we did, boyfriend." The elder said before pressing his lips to the blond man's, taking his time with opening him up before sliding his tongue in to gently caress his and make him feel loved and wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if anyone wants me to post part two. It's a prequel to the events leading up to the beginning of this story and it's _insanely_ long and nearly finished!


End file.
